Sunday Stealing #4: The Negativity Meme

Sunday Stealing: The Negativity Meme

Foods which disgust the crap out of me: Oysters

TV show I loathe: Little Bear, Max & Ruby

Movie I loathe: Planet of the Apes (old version or newer version - any version)

Music genres I loathe: Hard, heavy rock excluding Metallica

Magazine which annoys me: GQ

Makes me cranky at restaurant:

Makes me cranky in public: People who feel they have the right to discipline perfect strangers' children. The nerve!

Makes me cranky in general: Ignorance and liars

Pisses me off at home: Endless housework

Pisses me off at work: Writer's block

Pisses me off in general: Manipulation

Makes me impatient at home: My limitations

Makes me impatient at work: My limitations (ah the joys of working from home)

Makes me impatient in public: Rude people

Celebrity I hate: Mark Wahlberg (ick ick super ick ew!)

Music artist I hate: Hard, heavy rock excluding Metallica

I could care less about: I could care less about a lot of things because I care about a lot of things and people. Now I couldN'T care less about my neighbor's feelings when they lose their Section 8 Housing Assistance for threatening Cookie Monster, assaulting Pruny etc.

Annoys the crap out of me weekdays: Mega meltdown mornings with Oatmeal Raisin.

Annoys the crap out of me weekends: Feeling lost and overwhelmed without anyone to turn to even though they offer to help when we don't need it.

Blogger's habit that annoys you: Attacking another blogger via comments without leaving a name, email address, website etc. It's spineless and disgusting.

Feature on your blog you hate: Just that I can't seem to get it setup and looking the way I want it. It doesn't feel right to me yet.

Movie star you despise: Mark Wahlberg (ick ick super ick ew!)

Politician that you hate: If there were still a CIA etc I would worry about them coming to get me. Since there isn't, I'm not worried about saying this...I can't stand President Obama. There is just something about him that drives me nuts. Of course, his policies - new, old, possibly - don't help endear him to my heart any either.

Sunday Stealing #3: The Trivia About Me Meme

  

Sunday Stealing: The Trivia About Me Meme

Opening…

Do you get regular massages? I used to but not anymore. I miss them. =(

Do you have an answering machine? No need for one when you don't have a land line.

What cuss word do you use the most? Fuck

Are you underweight or overweight? Neither. I'm right where my doctors want me to be. It's about the only thing about my health they are happy with.

Can you see your veins? Some of them. I have great veins for getting IV's and taking blood, which works out well for me.

Favorite…

Soap? Irish Spring or something like that. I know it when I see it. 

Fruit? Bananas. Or kiwis. Or strawberries. No, no, no. I've got it! Concord grapes! Those are my absolute favorites.

Kind of red meat? I don't eat red meat. I'm in the process of weaning myself off meat and becoming a vegetarian. =)

Fish? Orange roughie or shrimp.

Candy bar? As long as it's chocolate, I'm not picky.

Have You Ever…

Eaten a whole bag of potato chips? Not a large, full-sized bag in one sitting, no. One of those small, lunch-sized bags in one sitting, yes.

Eaten lobster? Yes, I don't like it.

Climbed a mountain? No.

Been skydiving? No.

Been water skiing? No.

Do You…

Wish you could change something about your life? Things past and things current, yes.

Like your nose? Yes.

Like salt and vinegar chips? No.

Eat salsa? Yes.

Own a boat? No.

What Is…

A small thing that people let slide but that actually has dire consequences? Honestly, the very first thing that came to mind upon reading this was drunk driving. Far too many treat drunk driving as if it is a "small thing" and they let it slide when in fact it does actually have dire consequences.

Your most macho trait? I guess my most "macho" trait is the fact that I don't like to let bullshit slide and I tend to smack my nearest and dearest in the arms, chest and back when they are acting like jackasses while trying to getting away with bullshit.

The longest relationship you’ve ever had? My current relationship with Cookie Monster. We've been together nearly a decade and married 6 going on 7 years.

Your most embarrassing thoughts? Running away and changing my name.

Your most shameful moment? Not going to the Domestic Violence Shelter when I was living and married to NTD. I called them. They begged me to pack up Oatmeal Raisin and...move in, I guess. I declined. I didn't want them to know. I didn't want the people who specialize in helping victims of Domestic Violence to know what he and his family were doing to me. So I stayed. If I had gone, it may have changed the tone of the next decade (2000-2010) of my entire life.

This/That…

Bath/Shower? Depends on the day, my mood and the reason/purpose

Markers/Crayons? Again, depends on the day, my mood and the reason/purpose
Pens/Pencils? See 2 previous answers =)

Jelly/Cream Cheese? Depends on what I'm eating Jelly is for either toast or bagels or english muffins but cream cheese is only for bagels, period.

Bagel/Toast? Usually bagels but sometimes toast

Finish…

My greatest weakness is… my children, my husband, my friends/family & office supplies

I wish I was… healed, these open wounds are killing me slowly.

Three things I wouldn’t do for a million dollars are… 1) give up my husband and children. 2) Remarry NTD. 3) Live through/"survive" more abuse of any type.

The oddest thing I’ve ever put in my mouth is… probably a penis. Seriously, is that what God intended us to do with it?!

Firsts…

Credit card you had? I can't remember the company but it was through my local mall. I think the company is closed now anyway.

Loan you got was for? Student loan - gotta love 'em.

Paycheck was for how much? Oh, hell if I know. It was part time as a General Service Representative at Fuddruckers (glorified name for a Table Busser) and I was 15 years old at the time so I can't imagine that I made very much. lol

Time you had stitches? After giving birth to an 8lb 15oz "sunny-side-up" 4 day overdue Oatmeal Raisin who ripped me open from one end to the other - 4th degree tears aren't all they're cracked up to be.

Time you went to the hospital for something? I was somewhere between newborn and 2 weeks old and running a fever of 103 - 104 degrees. That's all I know because I was living with my foster parents at the time.

Lasts…

List everything you ate in the last 24 hours? Coke, SubWay, chips, chocolate, Hostess chocolate cupcakes, Hostess Zingers

Last thing you used a credit card for? It's been years because we don't use credit cards for anything. Unless you count our debit/credit cards but those don't count in my book.

What was your job previous to the one you have now? I was an Administrative Assistant.

Last thing you celebrated? New Years.

Last time you were at a sports bar? Many, many moons ago.

Saturday 9: #5 When We Was Fab

 

Saturday 9: When We Was Fab

1. Is there a blog as far as its appearance goes that you think is the most fabulous?

2. Do you like the look and the contents of your blogs? My blog is okay. I can't seem to get it "just right". There's still something missing. I just wish I could figure out what it was.

3. Have you ever thought what would happen to your blog in case you died? I can't say that I have. Although I will now. Thanks for that, Sam!

4. Has any particular blogger had a great impact on how you set up and write your blog? Jennifer over at BPD in OKC has had a great impact on the fact that I try to be as open and honest as possible. Many blogs have had an impact on the set up of my blog. Mainly because I "steal" things from blogs as I see them and try them out. If I like them, they stay. If I don't like them, I pitch 'em. As far as writing goes, I only know how to write like me. I tried to write a paper for a girl in high school once and make it sound more like her and less like me. I failed miserablly. She was busted and failed. The teacher later told me that she knew I had written it but couldn't prove it. She just knew my writing style well enough to know it was me. Oy. So I write what I know, me.

5. Would you want a fellow blogger to give you suggestions or criticism of what you write? Sure! Suggest. Critize. Whatever. The point of my blog is to release my demons but if I can help others while helping myself, great. And if someone else can help me become more effective in helping others through my writing etc, who am I to turn that help away? That would be foolish.

6. Is the number of visitors each day to your blog important to you? I'm not narcisstic by nature; however, the number of visitors I get each day is a nice little boost to my self esteem. I'm not going to lie, it's nice. So my life doesn't revolve around that number but it's nice to feel loved, ya know?

7. What percentage of your readers do you think actual comment? Not very many. Which stinks because I love get readers and comments alike.

8. Do you have a favorite blogger who does the memes that you participate in? Jennifer over at BPD in OKC does a few of them. I tend to do a lot of them because with the Cookies life gets pretty crazy, especially with all the appointments, so sometimes it's easiest to get my weekly purge out with the help of the Saturday 9 or the Friday Fill-In or Wednesday Wishcasting.

9. How often do you update your blog/site and why? I try to update without the help of a meme at least once a week. That doesn't always happen, of course. But I try.

Wednesday Wishcasting #1: What dream do you wish to explore?

What dream do you wish to explore?

I wish I could find the courage to write my first book.

As it stands right now, I can't even seem to find the courage to get inspired to start my first book. Let alone write it from start to finish. I am absolutely terrified that I will fail miserably, which is completely unacceptable because all I've wanted my entire life was to be a published author. I can't be published if I don't write the book first. I just wish I could write the book first.

If you think the Wednesday Wishcasting looks like fun or just a nice change of pace drop by at the Jamie Ridler Studio and join in the fun. =)

Sunday Stealing #1: What If

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? My ex-husband, MN, hands down without question. If I'm lucky he'll be standing close to his mother (whom I also hate - with good reason {beyond her being my ex-mother-in-law} she was a big part of the terror and abuse I suffered during my first marriage) when I blow him up so I can kill two psychopaths/sociopaths with one button.


2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be? Fergie. I cannot stand her. I don't know why but there's just something about her that grates on my nerves. Her music will disappear from existance too, right?


3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? Depending on the day of the week, my big sister, Angel. She does big sister things that just drive me batty and sometimes I'd love nothing more than to knock her out. Except I can't punch for crap so there really isn't any point.


4. What is your favorite cheese? I like them all. I don't think I've met one yet that I didn't like. Oh! Brie! Brie is my favorite with all other cheeses as a close second.


5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make? Either a Philly cheese steak - the way Steak Escape makes them. (Not the way they actually make them in Philly. Sorry PA peeps.) Or an Italian BMT at SubWay. Which ever one I'm eating, I can promise that it's all but drowning in black olives and banana peppers. Damnit, now I'm craving SubWay!

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice? I've been thinking about this since last night. My OCD compelling me to pick the "perfect" guy. (Huh? Again with my use of the word "perfect". Kind of makes you think, huh?) Then it hit me...Vincent D'Onfrio. *sigh*

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick? I had to think about this one too. I mean these are important decisions - I only get one night! So I finally decided that Brad Paisley is the man. Yum.

8. Now that you’ve slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it? Art supplies. Things for SweetPea because he really doesn't have anything yet. Whatever looked fun at the Dollar General.


9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Ireland

10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do? Eat - I'm having all this sex and going shopping and whatnot but there hasn't been any eating!!! I should hope after Vincent and Brad - not even taking the shopping and jet-setting hither and yon into account - I'm probably starving! Then after I eat, I'll shop! =)

11. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is…? I don't believe an angel would offer me alcohol. But I would gladly accept the lifetime supply of Coke she offers me. Everyone knows caffeine is far more important than alcohol anyway.

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there? I would go to Summer 1998 and explain everything that will be lost etc if I go through with my "Save MN" plan. I would shake my 17/18 year old self and explain that he can't be saved because he is a complete sociopath, as is his mother.

13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? My first rule is: This is my island; GET OFF! I would only allow my friends and family on the island. I have no interest in building my own society so I'm not going to; at least not with strangers and such. My friends and family will have to learn to work together in order for us to survive but that's as close to a society as we will ever get.


14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what’s the premise? It would probably be a reality television show. I just like to watch television though not create it so I would let someone else have this honor. Then I would just enjoy their creation.


15.What is your favorite curse word? Fuck


16.One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? First I scream, "What the fuck?!" (See? I told you it was my favorite word. lol) Then I try and find a way to get rid of them so I can go back to sleep.


17. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the item? I don't know that I could choose just one. But since I have to, I would probably grab our extra/backup harddrive because it has nearly all of our pictures from the past decade on it. So at least we would still have those.


18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour? I would enjoy one last meal with my nearest and dearest. Have you noticed how a lot of my stuff revolves around food? lol Its a family trait. If there is food somehow involved, we will suffer through just about any situation. =)


19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What’s it gonna be? Invisibility. I'd give just about anything to disappear right now.


20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? As crazy as this will sound, the half hour right before I got married to my first husband, MN. Simply because I remember my Granny helping me to get ready and I remember having my picture taken with her. I miss her like crazy so I would relive that half hour.


21.You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? My entire abusive and terrifying relationship/marriage to MN. Except for the half hour in #20. How that one half-hour would make any sense at all without the rest of the time/memories to go along with it, I don't know. But these are my imaginary answers and I can do what I want to with them. ;)


22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin’! What country are you going to live in now? Ireland. (And let's be honest here, they are just jealous that I'm doing everything they've always either A) wanted to do... B) wished about... C) seriously considered... Or D) had all set up but chickened out of.) Judgmental pricks!


23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be? I'm good with being banned from all the bars in the world...you know, since I don't drink alcohol and all. Well, I guess you don't know that about me yet. I don't drink alcohol. I quit except for special occasions when I was married to MN because of the effect it was having on our lives and family. Then when I was put on Zoloft and nursing Cooper in 2008 I just gave it up altogether. Now that I'm on a whole slew of meds for Fibromyalgia that forbid me to drink rather than the strongly worded "you really shouldn't drink but whatever" warning; I just quit entirely. So yeah, I don't drink alcohol. But I drink Coke like its water and going out of style. =)


24. Hopefully you didn’t mention this in the super-powers question…. If you did, then we’ll just expand on that. Check it out… Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like “Dude, check it out…I can FLOAT!”? My sisters, which includes my actual sister, Angel, and my sisters-in-law; Jennie, Elle and Becca. Oh, and Barbie, too. After all, she's nearly a sister.


25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life? John Lennon. Then I would get him a restraining order to protect him from suffering any further damage of being around Yoko. Although I'm thinking a stronger political leader may have been a better choice. * shrug*


26. The Celestial Gates of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? My Granny. She was my mother for all intents and purposes. Even though I had a "mother", she was...shall we say less than effective and less than emotionally plugged-in. I miss my Granny more than words could ever possibly express. She passed away in her sleep very suddenly in May 2002 and I changed forever on that day. To have her back...would mean so much to me.


27. What’s your theme song? I don't have a theme song but I'm slowly putting together a soundtrack over time. Someday, after I've dug out my purple folder that holds the lyrics to all the songs of my rather lengthy sound track from whatever blackhole it seems to have fallen into I'll have to post it up here.

Six Word Saturday #1 ~ The extended explanation

Granted, I spent most of yesterday in the kitchen with the Alex's Uncle while he finished up linner (not really lunch but not really dinner either) because every time I tried to spend time with the family I ended up with my foot in my mouth. It could have been the Ativan, although I've never had this problem before. I would open my mouth and words would just basically word-vomit out without any inclination from me that:

A) they were coming
and
B) what the Hell they were.

It was bad. At one point, I looked at my siblings-in-law while they jokingly fought over which of us would pick up Mom B from work if Dad B wasn't home from taking Great Grandma B, Great Aunt and Great Uncle home. I walked up in the middle of the conversation and when invited to join said, "Well, if y'all must drink and will be too drunk and lazy to get up and go get her...then I suppose that just leaves me or the Alex. Now doesn't it?" Yeah, not my best move ever. I mean they all know I don't approve of their excessive drinking, underage drinking, and drinking and driving. But I've never been so...out and out rude about it before - at least not to their faces! (Only when venting to the Alex or Angel, my sister.) I didn't even know I had the thought in my head at the time! They invited me to join the conversation, I opened my mouth and *BAM*.

Earlier in the day at breakfast we were talking about this small family business that the Alex's sister, Jennie, works for. Her boss recently found out that his sister was stealing from the business, so he went to fire her but she quit first. So Jennie asks us, "If you were my boss and that were your sister, what would you do?" And again, I open my mouth and word-vomit all over the place. I have no idea what is about to come out of my mouth because it's not in my head first. However, it's now out there for all the family to hear and look at me as if, once again, I'm the crazy one. Oh and if you were curious, my answer was, "Turn her in. It's not like she was caught taking $5 or $20 out of the till (which I know is still wrong). She took large amounts of money repeatedly over a long period of time. She took advantage of her brother and the family business and that's called extortion for a reason, it's wrong. I say turn her in and let her do her time. Let "Big Bertha" get a hold of her and teach her a lesson." Then I walked away. Just like that, I walked away as if I told them what time it was and nothing more.

As I walked away trying to figure out what the Hell had just happened, I heard IT. They were laughing - I was funny. No big joke there. I had just word-vomited all over the place. Then they began talking about me. No one understood the "Big Bertha" joke. etc etc etc Then it was why I was wrong. How could I turn on family like that? In all honesty, I wouldn't and I couldn't. I don't know that I have it in me. Unless you fuck up first.

If you steal that much money from my family business, essentially my family which thereby affects my ability to care for my family...It's on. For you to do that, you are not acting as a member of my family. You are acting for yourself. Why should I spend...or waste my time protecting you from yourself when all you've been doing is putting my family at risk and in danger for yourself?! Why should I help protect you from the consequences of your actions when you couldn't be bothered to think past yourself to anyone else, especially my children and my family?! Yes, you are my family. Yes, I love you. But that doesn't mean I have a duty to place you above the best interest of everyone else, including yourself. I would be doing a disservice to you if I allowed you to go without consequences. Nope, I don't get it. Apparently, I was alone in this opinion. Then again, I have a few actual years on all of them. Not to mention a few decades worth of life experience years. Plus, my life experience extends past surviving another night of binge drinking and drunk driving home without killing or hurting anyone.

I guess, I just wish I weren't so alone, in everything.

In the end though, I only had to take 3 Ativan to survive the day. Which is very cool. Although to be fair, in previous years I had to put up with Christmas gatherings with Clyde and Bonnie as well. But I'm not factoring that in. It's my life and my blog. So there! (How's that for a mature response?! lol) =)

A little more about me

I have many diagnoses; most stem from the tales you will read here. One is O.C.D. Grammar is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. Here, I will try to ignore it as much as possible. I apologize in advance but I feel that the purging and actual sharing are more important than proper coma placement etc. Although I will still try to remember to use spell check - some things simply cannot be helped.

I am almost 30 years old. I have been married to the Alex, husband #2, for nearly 7 years. I have known him for nearly 9 years. Together Alex and I have three children: AJ, Wyatt and Cooper. I am a work-at-home mom as a freelance writer. I have a dog, Boxer/American Bulldog mix, Miss Sue, and a cat, tortis shell, Sneezey.

Let's see. I love the colors blue and pink, fruits and veggies, drawing and writing (pretty much anything artistic), my children, my family, my Crackberry, and a bunch of other things that I can't think of at the moment. I love to journal the old fashioned way with actual bound paper journals and pens but blogging works out better for me because I can type much faster than I can write and typing tends to be easier on my arthritis. Plus, I happen to like the narcisstic aspect of it.

I'm really excited about this blog. Most of the posts on this blog are likely to be very sensitive in nature, thereby making the blog as a whole seem rather negative. I opted to place the warning in the beginning to attempt to give some sort of heads-up to my readers. I don't want anyone blind-sighted or triggers by the topics and/or the nature of my blog. I am hoping to keep things sort of light every once in a while, too. I've noticed a few memes around that I look interesting so I'll probably join in with those to try and keep in touch with the lighter side of life. =)

I won't be posting photos of myself or my family because I'm trying to keep this blog as anonymous as possible. I have been debating posting photos of my drawings and paintings, etc. I've never posted and/or shared those with anyone before. Not even my best friend or sister.

I don't want this to be all doom and gloom, woe is me. I want it to be honest, even if it hurts. There are things that happen, things that have happened, things that are happening now...that I want to share. Things that I need to share before they consume me. At the same time, I am absolutely terrified to open up for the very same reason...I'm terrified if I open up, it won't be a release at all and I will be consumed by it but only after its all been released.

So I intend to have fun. Do some memes - Friday Fill-Ins, Six Word Saturday, Saturday 9 - that sort of thing. Maybe share a crazy story from shopping etc. Mainly though, Washing will be for just that - washing. I will not stand in the ocean of salt water that washes over my open (metaphorical) wounds and keep my mouth shut any longer. Even if the only thing I do is to voice my pain in the" silent"  safety of this blog, then so be it.

My hope is that between the medications, my therapist and this blog/purging I will finally be able to wash the salt from my wounds and allow them to heal. Even if that leaves me with horrible scars, I'm okay with that.I would rather live the rest of my life covered in scars than open, seeping wounds.

Who I am.

I am Dymphna. A grand-daughter/daughter. A daughter. A friend. A sister. A wife. A mother.

The last two won't come up here much. And yes, there is a distinction between the first two. Those are the chipper, happy and Dr. Seuss things; I am.

I also claim other titles. Some are harmless in appearance, until you hear the story behind them.

I am Dymphna. A daughter. A friend. A sister. A wife. A mother.

This blog is my story. In part. In its entirety. Only time will tell.

About Me

 Who I am

A little more about me

My Backup (Coming Soon)

My Diagnoses (Coming Soon)

The Others

The Timeline (Coming Soon)