Saturday 9: #4 Call Me

Saturday 9: Call Me

1. Who is someone that phones you routinely that you never seem to be up to talk to, but you are not ready to push them out of your life? This person used to be Bonnie. She would call and spew her drama and useless Yahoo.com "medical diagnosis" at me while she denied my real world from a medical doctor diagnosis. She would refuse to follow AJ's rules and guidelines. Tell him I abused him. And generally just cause me stress and unwanted drama, as of September/October 2009 she has been *pushed*. Now I am drama-free...at least Bonnie-drama-free anyway.

2. What is something that effects you deeply, to your core, no matter your mood or what else is going on in your life? AJ. No matter what kind of day I am having. No matter how good or how bad. He has the power to kill it in one fowl swoop. Likewise (but very very very rarely) he has the power to make my day when all is right with the world and the stars in the heavens align.

3. Tell us of something that relaxes you and always makes you happy. A massage from an actual massage therapist who is skilled in giving massages to Fibro patients. *ah heaven*

4. If you could take the train from anywhere to anywhere, where would 'anywhere' be? Anywhere = Ireland (always)

5. If you could look into the future, how far down the road would you like to see? 10 years? 100 years? A million? 10 years - I need to know that we are going to be okay. That Alex and I are going to find a way to make it through. That Wyatt and Cooper are going to come through to the other side unscathed by everything AJ has going on. That all 3 of them are going to come through to the other side unscathed by everything I have going on in my head and everything I'm trying to work through.

6. Did you do your shopping online for this Christmas, how did it go? Did things come in on time? Any significant failures? ...and if you didn't, will you consider trying online shopping sometime this year? I shop online every once in a great while. Usually only from Amazon.com and usually only if I have a gift certificate.

7. What people or projects are worth your time, money or effort? People: Friends and family are always worth my time, money and effort. I will go to the ends of the Earth for them. Projects: I have adult ADHD so I tend to start projects that don't get finished. If it's for someone, it's worth it. If I really like it, it's worth it. If it's just plain interesting enough to hold my attention for more than five seconds, it's worth it.

8. Think back when you were in high school. Are you proud of the way you dressed, or do you wish you could go back and change it all? I'm proud of the way I dressed. I was true to myself, which is all I wanted out of me and the high school experience.

9. Do any of your friends, family or co-workers know about your blogs? For those that do, did you tell them or have they stumbled upon it by themselves? Alex knows about my blog. Sassy, one of my nearest and dearest friends also knows about my blog. Aside from them a few people I seem to have picked up along the way know about it but that's it.

Saturday 9 ~ #1 Don't Talk to Strangers

 Saturday 9: Don't Talk to Strangers

1. Tell us about a night that you spent with someone who was a stranger, yet by the end of the night you were very close. He wasn't exactly a stranger, persae. I knew him - just not particularly well. We worked together and he went out with everyone to the bars sometimes but not very often. Then one night he showed up at this crazy impromptu party we had. I was tipsy and pretty much completely stoned...yeah, we knew each other pretty well by the end of the night. (Okay, that's about as far from "blunt and honest" as I can get. Let's try this again...) We talked and shared life stories. I don't remember his. Then we made out. He wanted more. I didn't. At least I don't think I did, either way, I passed out on his lap in a Lazy-Boy recliner. He just rocked me to sleep the rest of the night. It was...interesting.

2. When is the last time you rode the bus? One of my last days as a senior in high school. Wow, that feels like ages ago...

3. Describe the last time you stood up for a cause. Stood up as in formal, public protest? Never, unfortunately. Stood up as in one-on-one with another person? Pretty often, actually. I feel the need to speak up about the injustices of the world as I see them, which tends to get me into trouble.

4. What is something you would like to do, but you're afraid of the risk(s)? I would just love to out my adoptive mother for being the self-centered, neglectful, spiteful, abusive, sociopath that she is. Blog about everything I have been through (hopefully I will eventually - other wise this blog is pretty pointless). Stand up to my older sister. The list goes on and on...

5. What would you most like to accomplish before the year is over? Well, considering there are only 11 days left in the year I'm not hoping for anything major. How about completely potty training Wyatt? Or pulling the Holidays off without a major hitch? Surviving the Holidays without any massive panic attacks? Or surviving the Holidays needing only 2-3 Ativan rather than 5+? Those are about as good as it's going to get right now. (And look, I even mentioned one of the kids!) =)

6. Name something you'll miss about 2009. The fact that AJ will never again be 9, Wyatt will never again be 3 and Cooper will never again be 1. They keep growing up. Even though I keep begging them (well, some of them anyway) to stop.

7. If you could invent something, what would it be? Something that would make me rich but still unknown to the universe at large. =)

8. What first got you started blogging? Peer pressure. "All the cool people are doing it." Okay, not that peer pressure exactly but all my friends and some of my family were starting blogs. I needed a Blogger account to comment on a blog I liked and it just went from there.

9. How did you find this meme? From a blog of a blog of a blog. Isn't that how it usually goes? ;)

(Technically, this is the Saturday 9 meme from this past Saturday, December 12th. I happen to love questions and these ones seemed pretty good and some are sort of relevant to the purpose of my blog so I figured...why not do a bit of a time warp? ;)(lol)

A little more about me

I have many diagnoses; most stem from the tales you will read here. One is O.C.D. Grammar is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. Here, I will try to ignore it as much as possible. I apologize in advance but I feel that the purging and actual sharing are more important than proper coma placement etc. Although I will still try to remember to use spell check - some things simply cannot be helped.

I am almost 30 years old. I have been married to the Alex, husband #2, for nearly 7 years. I have known him for nearly 9 years. Together Alex and I have three children: AJ, Wyatt and Cooper. I am a work-at-home mom as a freelance writer. I have a dog, Boxer/American Bulldog mix, Miss Sue, and a cat, tortis shell, Sneezey.

Let's see. I love the colors blue and pink, fruits and veggies, drawing and writing (pretty much anything artistic), my children, my family, my Crackberry, and a bunch of other things that I can't think of at the moment. I love to journal the old fashioned way with actual bound paper journals and pens but blogging works out better for me because I can type much faster than I can write and typing tends to be easier on my arthritis. Plus, I happen to like the narcisstic aspect of it.

I'm really excited about this blog. Most of the posts on this blog are likely to be very sensitive in nature, thereby making the blog as a whole seem rather negative. I opted to place the warning in the beginning to attempt to give some sort of heads-up to my readers. I don't want anyone blind-sighted or triggers by the topics and/or the nature of my blog. I am hoping to keep things sort of light every once in a while, too. I've noticed a few memes around that I look interesting so I'll probably join in with those to try and keep in touch with the lighter side of life. =)

I won't be posting photos of myself or my family because I'm trying to keep this blog as anonymous as possible. I have been debating posting photos of my drawings and paintings, etc. I've never posted and/or shared those with anyone before. Not even my best friend or sister.

I don't want this to be all doom and gloom, woe is me. I want it to be honest, even if it hurts. There are things that happen, things that have happened, things that are happening now...that I want to share. Things that I need to share before they consume me. At the same time, I am absolutely terrified to open up for the very same reason...I'm terrified if I open up, it won't be a release at all and I will be consumed by it but only after its all been released.

So I intend to have fun. Do some memes - Friday Fill-Ins, Six Word Saturday, Saturday 9 - that sort of thing. Maybe share a crazy story from shopping etc. Mainly though, Washing will be for just that - washing. I will not stand in the ocean of salt water that washes over my open (metaphorical) wounds and keep my mouth shut any longer. Even if the only thing I do is to voice my pain in the" silent"  safety of this blog, then so be it.

My hope is that between the medications, my therapist and this blog/purging I will finally be able to wash the salt from my wounds and allow them to heal. Even if that leaves me with horrible scars, I'm okay with that.I would rather live the rest of my life covered in scars than open, seeping wounds.