Sunday Stealing #4: The Negativity Meme

Sunday Stealing: The Negativity Meme

Foods which disgust the crap out of me: Oysters

TV show I loathe: Little Bear, Max & Ruby

Movie I loathe: Planet of the Apes (old version or newer version - any version)

Music genres I loathe: Hard, heavy rock excluding Metallica

Magazine which annoys me: GQ

Makes me cranky at restaurant:

Makes me cranky in public: People who feel they have the right to discipline perfect strangers' children. The nerve!

Makes me cranky in general: Ignorance and liars

Pisses me off at home: Endless housework

Pisses me off at work: Writer's block

Pisses me off in general: Manipulation

Makes me impatient at home: My limitations

Makes me impatient at work: My limitations (ah the joys of working from home)

Makes me impatient in public: Rude people

Celebrity I hate: Mark Wahlberg (ick ick super ick ew!)

Music artist I hate: Hard, heavy rock excluding Metallica

I could care less about: I could care less about a lot of things because I care about a lot of things and people. Now I couldN'T care less about my neighbor's feelings when they lose their Section 8 Housing Assistance for threatening Cookie Monster, assaulting Pruny etc.

Annoys the crap out of me weekdays: Mega meltdown mornings with Oatmeal Raisin.

Annoys the crap out of me weekends: Feeling lost and overwhelmed without anyone to turn to even though they offer to help when we don't need it.

Blogger's habit that annoys you: Attacking another blogger via comments without leaving a name, email address, website etc. It's spineless and disgusting.

Feature on your blog you hate: Just that I can't seem to get it setup and looking the way I want it. It doesn't feel right to me yet.

Movie star you despise: Mark Wahlberg (ick ick super ick ew!)

Politician that you hate: If there were still a CIA etc I would worry about them coming to get me. Since there isn't, I'm not worried about saying this...I can't stand President Obama. There is just something about him that drives me nuts. Of course, his policies - new, old, possibly - don't help endear him to my heart any either.

Saturday 9: #6 I Think We're Alone Now

 

Saturday 9: I Think We're Alone Now

1. What celebrity in a fantasy would you like to be alone with? Vincent D'Onfrio *yum* Christopher Meloni *double yum* (Notice a pattern here?

2. Have ever dated a good friend? I'm married to my best friend. Does that count?

3. What is the most embarrassing song that you like? At the moment, probably anything Miley Cyrus.

4. What is your favorite tear jerker movie? Steel Magnolias, Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood, the Princess and the Frog (I "ugly cried" at this movie.)

5. What about yourself makes you least secure? The unknown

6. Do you believe in destiny? It changes from day to day. Some days I believe in the clandestine "destiny is preordained and can't be changed too much" theory. Other days I believe in the "we make our own destiny" theory.

7. What 'issue' do you think your opinion is so right about that you end up trying to sway others to your point of view? Autism is not a curable "disease" like Jenny McCarthy seems to believe. It is a biological, neurological disorder. There are treatments that can make it either better or worse; however, there is not now nor has there ever been a cure. That woman just gets my panties in a bunch as I've already stated.

8. What are 5 things you don't care about?

1. I don't care how much fat etc. is in my food or what else is in my food for that matter. I eat what sounds good, regardless of the rest of it.
2. I don't care how much pain it might cause, how big an inconvience it may be for me to help someone else...I will do it. I help others at a sacrifice of self - always. It's the way I've always been.
3. I don't care what the sacrifice is that I have to give for my children, I will give it. The come before me - always.
4. I don't care what the reaction of my "neighbors" will be once they lose their Section 8 housing assistance for assaulting Pruny, threatening the life of Cookie Monster and the little Cookies, and terrorizing the neighborhood. They have egged houses, assaulted neighbors, slandered neighbors. (Did you know that Cookie Monster is a pedofile and I am horribly abusive to my babies!? He isn't but according to Beep-Beep {That's what Pruny and I call her because she used to turn tricks out of the house and her John's would "beep-beep" when they arrived.} he is. But that's all another post.) They need to go and I don't care that it will hurt when they do.
5. I don't care that NTD had to give up custody of Oatmeal Raisin. I don't care that the Cow (NTD's mother) will never see, play head games with or abuse my little boy again. I don't care that they miss his Karate promotions, his report cards, and his Lego creations. I don't care that they hurt because I gave them 6 years to get their shit in gear to be a productive members of Oatmeal Raisin's life and they didn't want to be. So I don't care what they feel anymore because I tried.

9. Have you ever been in a situation where you weren't sure if you were seducing or being seduced? I'm sure I have. Can't think of it off the top of my head though.

Friday Fill-In #3

1. The lesson I learned yesterday was while I fought my ex and his family for the past decade to protect myself and my family from my ex what we won...was a lifetime of battles with Oatmeal Raisin. Battles that are the war each and every time. Battles that if lost, so is Oatmeal Raisin - maybe not physically anymore but mentally, physically or emotionally. I almost wish I'd lost.
2. Home where friends and family meet.
3. All these years I've fought and now I wonder if he'd have been better off had I given up.
4. The party started when I arrived. (Yeah, baby! lol)
5. The truth is I don't like large groups of people or parties.
6. Nothing is what I remember most from that day. Mainly because I try not to think about any of it too much.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to watching a weeks worth of recorded shows with Cookie Monster, tomorrow my plans include seeing my therapist and cleaning (woo hoo) and Sunday, I want to maybe visit the in-laws and prepare for another week of appointments with specialists and testing for Oatmeal Raisin and Snickerdoodle!

Saturday 9: #4 Call Me

Saturday 9: Call Me

1. Who is someone that phones you routinely that you never seem to be up to talk to, but you are not ready to push them out of your life? This person used to be Bonnie. She would call and spew her drama and useless Yahoo.com "medical diagnosis" at me while she denied my real world from a medical doctor diagnosis. She would refuse to follow AJ's rules and guidelines. Tell him I abused him. And generally just cause me stress and unwanted drama, as of September/October 2009 she has been *pushed*. Now I am drama-free...at least Bonnie-drama-free anyway.

2. What is something that effects you deeply, to your core, no matter your mood or what else is going on in your life? AJ. No matter what kind of day I am having. No matter how good or how bad. He has the power to kill it in one fowl swoop. Likewise (but very very very rarely) he has the power to make my day when all is right with the world and the stars in the heavens align.

3. Tell us of something that relaxes you and always makes you happy. A massage from an actual massage therapist who is skilled in giving massages to Fibro patients. *ah heaven*

4. If you could take the train from anywhere to anywhere, where would 'anywhere' be? Anywhere = Ireland (always)

5. If you could look into the future, how far down the road would you like to see? 10 years? 100 years? A million? 10 years - I need to know that we are going to be okay. That Alex and I are going to find a way to make it through. That Wyatt and Cooper are going to come through to the other side unscathed by everything AJ has going on. That all 3 of them are going to come through to the other side unscathed by everything I have going on in my head and everything I'm trying to work through.

6. Did you do your shopping online for this Christmas, how did it go? Did things come in on time? Any significant failures? ...and if you didn't, will you consider trying online shopping sometime this year? I shop online every once in a great while. Usually only from Amazon.com and usually only if I have a gift certificate.

7. What people or projects are worth your time, money or effort? People: Friends and family are always worth my time, money and effort. I will go to the ends of the Earth for them. Projects: I have adult ADHD so I tend to start projects that don't get finished. If it's for someone, it's worth it. If I really like it, it's worth it. If it's just plain interesting enough to hold my attention for more than five seconds, it's worth it.

8. Think back when you were in high school. Are you proud of the way you dressed, or do you wish you could go back and change it all? I'm proud of the way I dressed. I was true to myself, which is all I wanted out of me and the high school experience.

9. Do any of your friends, family or co-workers know about your blogs? For those that do, did you tell them or have they stumbled upon it by themselves? Alex knows about my blog. Sassy, one of my nearest and dearest friends also knows about my blog. Aside from them a few people I seem to have picked up along the way know about it but that's it.

Saturday 9 ~ #1 Don't Talk to Strangers

 Saturday 9: Don't Talk to Strangers

1. Tell us about a night that you spent with someone who was a stranger, yet by the end of the night you were very close. He wasn't exactly a stranger, persae. I knew him - just not particularly well. We worked together and he went out with everyone to the bars sometimes but not very often. Then one night he showed up at this crazy impromptu party we had. I was tipsy and pretty much completely stoned...yeah, we knew each other pretty well by the end of the night. (Okay, that's about as far from "blunt and honest" as I can get. Let's try this again...) We talked and shared life stories. I don't remember his. Then we made out. He wanted more. I didn't. At least I don't think I did, either way, I passed out on his lap in a Lazy-Boy recliner. He just rocked me to sleep the rest of the night. It was...interesting.

2. When is the last time you rode the bus? One of my last days as a senior in high school. Wow, that feels like ages ago...

3. Describe the last time you stood up for a cause. Stood up as in formal, public protest? Never, unfortunately. Stood up as in one-on-one with another person? Pretty often, actually. I feel the need to speak up about the injustices of the world as I see them, which tends to get me into trouble.

4. What is something you would like to do, but you're afraid of the risk(s)? I would just love to out my adoptive mother for being the self-centered, neglectful, spiteful, abusive, sociopath that she is. Blog about everything I have been through (hopefully I will eventually - other wise this blog is pretty pointless). Stand up to my older sister. The list goes on and on...

5. What would you most like to accomplish before the year is over? Well, considering there are only 11 days left in the year I'm not hoping for anything major. How about completely potty training Wyatt? Or pulling the Holidays off without a major hitch? Surviving the Holidays without any massive panic attacks? Or surviving the Holidays needing only 2-3 Ativan rather than 5+? Those are about as good as it's going to get right now. (And look, I even mentioned one of the kids!) =)

6. Name something you'll miss about 2009. The fact that AJ will never again be 9, Wyatt will never again be 3 and Cooper will never again be 1. They keep growing up. Even though I keep begging them (well, some of them anyway) to stop.

7. If you could invent something, what would it be? Something that would make me rich but still unknown to the universe at large. =)

8. What first got you started blogging? Peer pressure. "All the cool people are doing it." Okay, not that peer pressure exactly but all my friends and some of my family were starting blogs. I needed a Blogger account to comment on a blog I liked and it just went from there.

9. How did you find this meme? From a blog of a blog of a blog. Isn't that how it usually goes? ;)

(Technically, this is the Saturday 9 meme from this past Saturday, December 12th. I happen to love questions and these ones seemed pretty good and some are sort of relevant to the purpose of my blog so I figured...why not do a bit of a time warp? ;)(lol)

A little more about me

I have many diagnoses; most stem from the tales you will read here. One is O.C.D. Grammar is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. Here, I will try to ignore it as much as possible. I apologize in advance but I feel that the purging and actual sharing are more important than proper coma placement etc. Although I will still try to remember to use spell check - some things simply cannot be helped.

I am almost 30 years old. I have been married to the Alex, husband #2, for nearly 7 years. I have known him for nearly 9 years. Together Alex and I have three children: AJ, Wyatt and Cooper. I am a work-at-home mom as a freelance writer. I have a dog, Boxer/American Bulldog mix, Miss Sue, and a cat, tortis shell, Sneezey.

Let's see. I love the colors blue and pink, fruits and veggies, drawing and writing (pretty much anything artistic), my children, my family, my Crackberry, and a bunch of other things that I can't think of at the moment. I love to journal the old fashioned way with actual bound paper journals and pens but blogging works out better for me because I can type much faster than I can write and typing tends to be easier on my arthritis. Plus, I happen to like the narcisstic aspect of it.

I'm really excited about this blog. Most of the posts on this blog are likely to be very sensitive in nature, thereby making the blog as a whole seem rather negative. I opted to place the warning in the beginning to attempt to give some sort of heads-up to my readers. I don't want anyone blind-sighted or triggers by the topics and/or the nature of my blog. I am hoping to keep things sort of light every once in a while, too. I've noticed a few memes around that I look interesting so I'll probably join in with those to try and keep in touch with the lighter side of life. =)

I won't be posting photos of myself or my family because I'm trying to keep this blog as anonymous as possible. I have been debating posting photos of my drawings and paintings, etc. I've never posted and/or shared those with anyone before. Not even my best friend or sister.

I don't want this to be all doom and gloom, woe is me. I want it to be honest, even if it hurts. There are things that happen, things that have happened, things that are happening now...that I want to share. Things that I need to share before they consume me. At the same time, I am absolutely terrified to open up for the very same reason...I'm terrified if I open up, it won't be a release at all and I will be consumed by it but only after its all been released.

So I intend to have fun. Do some memes - Friday Fill-Ins, Six Word Saturday, Saturday 9 - that sort of thing. Maybe share a crazy story from shopping etc. Mainly though, Washing will be for just that - washing. I will not stand in the ocean of salt water that washes over my open (metaphorical) wounds and keep my mouth shut any longer. Even if the only thing I do is to voice my pain in the" silent"  safety of this blog, then so be it.

My hope is that between the medications, my therapist and this blog/purging I will finally be able to wash the salt from my wounds and allow them to heal. Even if that leaves me with horrible scars, I'm okay with that.I would rather live the rest of my life covered in scars than open, seeping wounds.