Sunday, December 27, 2009

Six Word Saturday #1 ~ The extended explanation

Granted, I spent most of yesterday in the kitchen with the Alex's Uncle while he finished up linner (not really lunch but not really dinner either) because every time I tried to spend time with the family I ended up with my foot in my mouth. It could have been the Ativan, although I've never had this problem before. I would open my mouth and words would just basically word-vomit out without any inclination from me that:

A) they were coming
B) what the Hell they were.

It was bad. At one point, I looked at my siblings-in-law while they jokingly fought over which of us would pick up Mom B from work if Dad B wasn't home from taking Great Grandma B, Great Aunt and Great Uncle home. I walked up in the middle of the conversation and when invited to join said, "Well, if y'all must drink and will be too drunk and lazy to get up and go get her...then I suppose that just leaves me or the Alex. Now doesn't it?" Yeah, not my best move ever. I mean they all know I don't approve of their excessive drinking, underage drinking, and drinking and driving. But I've never been so...out and out rude about it before - at least not to their faces! (Only when venting to the Alex or Angel, my sister.) I didn't even know I had the thought in my head at the time! They invited me to join the conversation, I opened my mouth and *BAM*.

Earlier in the day at breakfast we were talking about this small family business that the Alex's sister, Jennie, works for. Her boss recently found out that his sister was stealing from the business, so he went to fire her but she quit first. So Jennie asks us, "If you were my boss and that were your sister, what would you do?" And again, I open my mouth and word-vomit all over the place. I have no idea what is about to come out of my mouth because it's not in my head first. However, it's now out there for all the family to hear and look at me as if, once again, I'm the crazy one. Oh and if you were curious, my answer was, "Turn her in. It's not like she was caught taking $5 or $20 out of the till (which I know is still wrong). She took large amounts of money repeatedly over a long period of time. She took advantage of her brother and the family business and that's called extortion for a reason, it's wrong. I say turn her in and let her do her time. Let "Big Bertha" get a hold of her and teach her a lesson." Then I walked away. Just like that, I walked away as if I told them what time it was and nothing more.

As I walked away trying to figure out what the Hell had just happened, I heard IT. They were laughing - I was funny. No big joke there. I had just word-vomited all over the place. Then they began talking about me. No one understood the "Big Bertha" joke. etc etc etc Then it was why I was wrong. How could I turn on family like that? In all honesty, I wouldn't and I couldn't. I don't know that I have it in me. Unless you fuck up first.

If you steal that much money from my family business, essentially my family which thereby affects my ability to care for my family...It's on. For you to do that, you are not acting as a member of my family. You are acting for yourself. Why should I spend...or waste my time protecting you from yourself when all you've been doing is putting my family at risk and in danger for yourself?! Why should I help protect you from the consequences of your actions when you couldn't be bothered to think past yourself to anyone else, especially my children and my family?! Yes, you are my family. Yes, I love you. But that doesn't mean I have a duty to place you above the best interest of everyone else, including yourself. I would be doing a disservice to you if I allowed you to go without consequences. Nope, I don't get it. Apparently, I was alone in this opinion. Then again, I have a few actual years on all of them. Not to mention a few decades worth of life experience years. Plus, my life experience extends past surviving another night of binge drinking and drunk driving home without killing or hurting anyone.

I guess, I just wish I weren't so alone, in everything.

In the end though, I only had to take 3 Ativan to survive the day. Which is very cool. Although to be fair, in previous years I had to put up with Christmas gatherings with Clyde and Bonnie as well. But I'm not factoring that in. It's my life and my blog. So there! (How's that for a mature response?! lol) =)

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This blog contains my inner most thoughts on all things in my life, my heart and head. It is my goal to someday purge my soul of all the stains and heal the wounds I've been carrying with me for nearly my entire life.

There will be times when I will discuss triggering topics. If these will be difficult for you, I want you be warned now and not blindsided later.