Wednesday, December 23, 2009


I was checking out some new blogs and I stumbled upon a post over at Becoming Hannah that got me to thinking.....

When I was a child, like 6, 7 or 8'ish years old. I had my own room. As an only child there obviously wasn't anyone to share a room with. So our household remained, myself and my parents, Bonnie and Clyde. Yet, I spent a good majority of my childhood trying desperately to create a "safe haven" within my happy home.

I was never discovered actually in my "safe haven". It was always discovered later. Bonnie would be cleaning and discover it. Then she would completely fall apart and the shrill shrieking would begin. She had the worst fit when she found my setup in the closet. I had meant it as a completely harmless, safe place to hide-away from the world. She assumed I was planning to hide in the closet if we ever had a fire. Because obviously as a 6+ year old child I had that all planned out.

The safe haven behind my bed was especially unacceptable (never mind being completely and horribly useless but I was running out of places at that point) because it did not allow my bed to sit all the way back in the corner properly. "What would people think?!" (Who was she planning on showing my room? Or inviting into my room? ???)

I loved the setup I had created under Clyde's desk, which was huge and old. It had a little shelf where you put your feet when you're sitting at the desk, which I of course felt was a sign from the heavens that this spot was meant for me. He of course had other thoughts about the area under his desk. So after hours and hours of work - including spider removal (and I have a horrible case of arachnophobia). I had to dismantle it all as soon as he came home from work. Bonnie had narked me out.

The one thing I still can't figure out, even to this day, is why? Why when I was an only child did I even feel the need for a "safe haven" or a "safe place" or a "hide-away"? I had my own room. What was out there that I clearly don't remember now but I needed so desperately to get away from then?
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This blog contains my inner most thoughts on all things in my life, my heart and head. It is my goal to someday purge my soul of all the stains and heal the wounds I've been carrying with me for nearly my entire life.

There will be times when I will discuss triggering topics. If these will be difficult for you, I want you be warned now and not blindsided later.